R00Ms Theory - Anxiety

The obsession to not get rejected, or being ignored, being called non-authentic, not being different, not being shamed, not being blamed etc. all goes back to the core of not wanting to be alone. The fear of being alone with your thoughts, choices, mistakes result with the obession to perfect everything. The mental tool used would be the anxiety in making sure things are going as you plan or looks as you want.

Unmanaged anxieties lead to being stuck at certain stage in your reality, leading you to avoid growth as much as possible.

Let's say you're over obsessing over how you would look at the stage, fearing getting one of the answers wrong, over fixing your posture to avoid being judged by the audience; in which at the same moment you are also avoiding having your self confidence to grow, as you're making sure you wouldn't be cringe or judged.

Being stuck in life as a result of your anxieties is like heading to the gym daily lifting the same weights, you would be maintaining the same muscle gain (same reality) without losing them or gaining extra, it is actually an achievement by itself to maintain the same muscles without loss or gain.

The stagnation in life is usually a response to avoiding feeling anxiety about making a decision, that could might if there is a new change would lead to aloneness. Like avoiding opening a business that could lead to failure, or avoiding adopting a healthy lifestyle to avoid losing friends. So, whatever you are anxious about, there is a deep root of not wanting to be alone.

And here is my reminder that you’re never alone, as God is always with you and everything and everyone is fulfilling what you feel worthy of. It is only the people who are capble to handle your growth would be able to be flexible with your new choices.

Avoiding the feeling of anxiety or making a new decision is like maintaining a gym subscription, securing the safe potential of getting fit in the “future” without actually doing the work, while you keep paying for the gym membership to avoid confronting yourself with the fact that you’re not actually working out.

The main root of this fear is the avoidance in confronting the potential that it would take more time to build a relationship with your body than you estimate it responding to you, so you avoid the workout collectively; because either you like it or not, you can't control everything.

Unless you would do a procedure or get an easy way out to get fit, and here, I would advise you to close this page, because my words would make no sense to someone who buys the easy way out.

In the gym language, fearing being alone is like fearing the pain of the workout, so you'd avoid the workout collectively if you sense it will lead you to pain. It is dropping the barbell the moment your hamstrings start shaking, staring at the barbell and over obsessing if the next time you lift it you would feel the same way.  It's like spending three days going to the gym, staring at the barbell, and the moment you want to load the weights to do a Good Morning, you get your self distracted to do 3 reps and 4 sets of overhead press to feel accomplished.

Another close example is creating a business handle without really starting the business, or having a mood board about your next travels without booking the flight etc.

So, which area in your life you’re just staring at the barbell every time it is time for an exercise, place it at a corner and do another exercise instead, or continuously maintain a gym membership without really going, yet without really wanting to lose the membership and confronting the fact you really didn’t work out. This area in your life is what you’re mostly attached to and fear being alone during the process of taking action; fearing you'd either fail or being shamed for making a choice for yourself; for your own life.

Mental Reps & Discovery

1. Which area in my life I want to have and not have yet?

2. What am I doing to have it?

3. Is what I am doing directly relate to it or am I using it as an excuse of having it, when in fact I’m distracting myself to pause having it?

4. What’s the worst thing that can happen if I took action to have it?

5. What would I lose if it didn’t go well?

6. Is it something I can control not losing?

7. How would people see me if I failed in it?

8. Are these people supporting me to have it?

9. Did they succeed in having it?

10. Would I be able to start over if I failed?

11. If not, what’s the excuse?

12. Is there is ever a lack if God is always taking care of me?